Going through a breakup is tough. Whether the relationship lasted years or just a few months, the pain and loneliness can be overwhelming. Even the simplest tasks—like eating, brushing your teeth, or just getting out of bed—can feel insurmountable. It’s not uncommon for depression or depression-like symptoms to creep in, making your whole world seem darker. I know this feeling well. My relationship of three years ended over the summer, and it took until October for me to start feeling like myself again. Here are seven steps I took to begin healing and reclaiming my life.
1. Move Your Body
Moving may sound simple, but after a breakup, even getting up can feel like a feat. Emotions and stress are often stored in our bodies, which is why we can feel stiff and achy during tough times. Starting with a daily walk can do wonders—not only does it get you moving, but it also lets you soak up fresh air and sunlight, which are natural mood boosters. Try adding gentle yoga or Pilates; there are tons of free classes on YouTube, so you can choose the length and pace that feel right. Set small goals, like five minutes a day, and work your way up as it gets easier.
2. Start a Journal
Journaling may feel cliché, but it’s a powerful tool to organize and release the emotions swirling inside you. Even if you’re not usually someone who journals, a breakup is the perfect time to start. Pouring out your thoughts onto paper can free up mental space and prevent you from constantly replaying scenarios in your mind. Write without judgment—this is your safe space to say whatever you need to. You may even find that it helps you process emotions faster and more effectively.
3. Allow Yourself to Feel
Do not bottle up your emotions, the only way out of the bad is through it. It’s important to express your emotions in a healthy way. Cry it out, scream into a pillow. Go to a rage room. There are so many ways to let out your emotions. Remember, the body keeps score and its our job to relieve that score. Taking up a meditation routine can also help with the feelings of anxiety or racing thoughts.
5. Consider Going No Contact with Your Ex
This is a tough but transformative step. While going no-contact isn’t for everyone, it’s a powerful way to gain emotional distance and clarity. By removing daily reminders of your ex, you’re creating the mental space you need to process your emotions and rebuild. This boundary also helps you rediscover who you are without their influence. Remember, there’s no “right” way to heal, but choosing no-contact can help you focus on yourself more fully.
6. Spend Time with Friends and Family
Don’t underestimate the power of connection. Family and friends can be a lifeline during a breakup. They remind you that you’re loved and give you the opportunity to share your experience in a safe space. Let yourself lean on them for support. Cry with them, laugh with them, and let their presence fill the gaps left by your ex. You might even be surprised at what friends and family members share from their own experiences, which can be both comforting and illuminating.
7. Create a Routine
Establishing a routine after a breakup can be challenging, especially if you’re neurodivergent or feeling down. Start simple with a nighttime routine to help you wind down. Consider including small self-care activities, like a relaxing shower, skincare, a calming tea, or reading a few pages of a book. As time goes on, build a morning routine or add more steps to your evening one. Routine brings a comforting sense of normalcy, helping you regain a feeling of control and calm.
Remember, healing after a breakup isn’t a straight line. Some days may be harder than others, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace, stay committed to self-care, and remember that you’re rediscovering who you are. With time, these steps can help you find not only closure but a renewed sense of self-worth and joy in life’s little moments.